I just washed these windows, AMA 

"AestheticsInMotion" (aestheticsinmotion) 07/19/2017 at 23:23 • Filed to: Windowsama

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The “(not)small, (definitely not)simple, A-frame(McMansion)” edition.

“hi, I heard about you from a neighbor who just loves you! Anyways, I was hoping you could come out before August to clean the windows! I’ve had a lot of trouble getting a company to come out here, I feel like I’ve called everyone! We’ve got a small A frame home with a skylight, and a window in the garage! Please call me back asap! Thank you so much! Oh and I can leave a key under the front mat, I work most of the day, so I hope you can leave me an invoice..?”

Let me tell you something, Oppo. if all your major competitors are refusing to do what sounds like a very simple job for a very friendly sounding young woman, warning bells should be going off in your head. There is always a reason. But it’s been a long week spent under the heel of a nasty cold so I didn’t think much of it and scheduled the home for Wednesday.

When she called at 9pm—the night before—saying she’d be sure to leave a large tip, I started to feel... Uneasy.

After downing a handful of pills I hope was cold medicine, sleep finally came. The next day started out fine with a decent sized custom home on the water. Four hour job for myself and one of my guys. After that, we hopped in the Ranger and headed to the mystery house.

Hmm.

“Large property for such an expensive city... Must be four acres”

“three gates, all with different codes... Okay”

“Wait, she said ONE garage pane, right?Maybe she didn’t want the separate garage done..?”

After five minutes driving along the private road to her home—because nothing screams “small home” like a private, gated driveway—we saw the house. We saw the A frame. We saw the second, larger A frame that had been built around the original. We saw the more recent addition of a large, western facing wing, three stories high. We saw the questionable design choices that would make even getting to the windows a major challenge. We saw a row of skylights set in a metal roof much too steep to walk on. Those were a good 30 feet—roughly 500 meters for you non-American folk—off the ground.

And so we turned around, went home, grabbed a bottle of bourbon and proceeded to drink until the memories became indistinct.

Err, wait. No. That’s what we WANTED to do. Here’s how it actually went down. The home looming over us, I pulled up, killed the engine, footed the parking brake and exited the vehicle with all the grace and vigor of a senior citizen impeding shoppers in a crowded grocery store. Me, sicker than a dog. My partner, still limping from the rotten deck he fell through the week prior (that’s a story for another day).

Time? One O’clock.

Next job? Scheduled at three sharp.

We started outside, myself on ladders, my partner fighting his way through endless rose bushes to get the bottom floor windows beneath the A Frame eaves. The only ray of light on this dark, dark day (80° and sunny) was this gentle doggo who followed me without making a peep.

The roof was too steep to climb, and the harness tie downs were non-functional. So... 32 foot ladder leaned against the slope of the roof like so...

Here’s a better picture so you can see the actual window section.

Fun stuff. But nothing too crazy.

Certainly beats dealing with the windows behind the rosebushes at least...

After getting the section above, it was skylight time. There were 20 on one side, and two on the side I was already on. I started with the easy side as a warmup. Same deal, big ladder set up at a non-OSHA approved angle, but now with extra razorblade work! If you have a good eye you’ll be able to make out my partner being torn to bits getting the windows below me... Poor chap. He was literally crawling on hands and knees to try avoiding thethorns.

After those, we tag-teamed the remaining 20 skylights, two stories higher on a similar slant. It’s painful how quickly I wrote that sentence, when it was easily two hours of work.

We eventually finished up outside, but there’s one more thing I’d like to mention....

THE MOST AWFUL SLIDING DOOR DESIGN IN THE HISTORY OF MANKIND

WHY?! WHAT IS THE PURPOSE?! It’s like a designer said hey, “we can do a standard sliding door leading to a small deck, or we can have a nice large sliding window!” and then somebody else said “okay, but how about we take the worst parts of both of those ideas, add a grate over the bottom half to make cleaning take five times as long, while also adding a cheap reflective film to the glass so when window washers try to clean these, ALL of the sunlight is reflected back at them! Yeah?!”

“Genius!”

I counted 12 sliding doors to nothing. These are one of my most hated design elements and if you have this setup, please for the love of God tell me why.

Okay. Deep breaths. We’re good. Onto the inside! A surprising blend of old school log cabin meets modern big city styling.

Zoidberg, you were right. There has to be a better way to do a railing. Oh wait, here’s another handrail, let’s see how this one looks...

Not only does this home have both wood and metal railing, the metal rails are all tubular connected rails on one side, and squared off non-connected pieces on the other. I can only assume the contractors were trying to save money by using whatever scrap the had lying around. Oh and the welding itself is just atrocious. Look at this. No blending whatsoever, they didn’t even go over everything. It’s literally just a tiny bead at the bottom of every tube, where it meets the main supports.

Here it is from above, courtesy of my employee’s Snapchat story. Can you tell how much I dislike this railing? I’ve got a good friend who does incredible metalwork in homes and businesses so seeing something so shoddily put together like this is hard.

Back to the windows. Open up the back door, walk in, turn around and look up. This is what you see.

Big ladder inside, plus some pole work from two stories up on a ledge took care of this. Here’s the view from the top.

We ended up finished the place at six, three hours after we were supposed to arrive at our final house. The last house was super simple, took under an hour, so we went back to base and parted ways. I arrived home, shotgun’d a cold remedy and started typing away at this story you’re reading. Writing helps make the tough days seem a lot more bearable. Strange but true.

I’ll leave a few more photos of the house. It was a pretty interesting place, when viewed through the eyes of someone who doesn’t have to work there. Built in the 40's, one major addition in the 80's and then another just a few years ago. I look forward to sending my guys out to do it without me in the future.

Luke's Dad Sold His 2000TL To Get a Sienna > AestheticsInMotion 07/19/2017 at 23:30

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This post hurt my feelings.

Honeybunchesofgoats > AestheticsInMotion 07/19/2017 at 23:31

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I loved this and will re-read it when I haven’t had 14 beers.

For what it’s worth, if I lived near you and I gave a shit about my windows, I’d hire you because you’re awesome.

Bman76 (no it doesn't need a WS6 hood) M. Arch > AestheticsInMotion 07/19/2017 at 23:35

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OSHA haram.

AestheticsInMotion > Luke's Dad Sold His 2000TL To Get a Sienna 07/19/2017 at 23:39

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Which part? No offense meant! Unless you have blocked off sliding doors to nothing, in which case I’m putting your number on the “do not answer” list

AestheticsInMotion > Honeybunchesofgoats 07/19/2017 at 23:40

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Why do I feel like we’d both end up drunk and live blogging to Oppo..?

For what it’s worth, despite four years with this business, I’ve never once washed my own windows.

Luke's Dad Sold His 2000TL To Get a Sienna > AestheticsInMotion 07/19/2017 at 23:42

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HAHAHHAHA Just like. Looking at all the pictures and imagining you had to clean them all was like anxiety inducing and I was like OMG WHY WOULD ANYONE EVER BUILD A HOUSE LIKE THAT.

Those sliding doors tho. If I’m ever a villain, my dungeon will have a ton of those. Let’s see anyone try and break into my dungeon to rescue people from there.

AestheticsInMotion > Bman76 (no it doesn't need a WS6 hood) M. Arch 07/19/2017 at 23:42

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I still haven’t seen any of these mystical creatures who go to jobsites giving out fines for unsafe conduct... Not for lack of trying obviously

shop-teacher > AestheticsInMotion 07/19/2017 at 23:44

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Dayum! That’s nuts!

AestheticsInMotion > Luke's Dad Sold His 2000TL To Get a Sienna 07/19/2017 at 23:47

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I cleaned dungeon windows once. Oh and there’s a level beyond even the horrid blocked off sliding windows. These were from a few weeks ago... You gotta be kidding me. The screens were literally screwed into the wall, from the outside

Honeybunchesofgoats > AestheticsInMotion 07/19/2017 at 23:50

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Because great minds think alike, my friend.

We should do a duo-live drunk blog.

Highlander-Datsuns are Forever > AestheticsInMotion 07/19/2017 at 23:54

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Wow I hope you charge by the hour, that place looks like a pain in the ass. They had good drugs in the 80's hence the strange architecture.

AestheticsInMotion > Highlander-Datsuns are Forever 07/20/2017 at 00:03

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Ended up with a price that was good for me, and good for the homeowner!

A lot of bigger companies will spend an hour on the phone with you trying to get an idea of your house, schedule a “viewing” weeks later to check info, then arrive and say that they can’t do the house. So much wasted time... It sounded like she’d dealt with that a couple times and was about ready to tear her hair out

fintail > AestheticsInMotion 07/20/2017 at 00:07

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Money and sense diverge at light speed.

BlueMazda2 - Blesses the rains down in Africa, Purveyor of BMW Individual Arctic Metallic, Merci Twingo > AestheticsInMotion 07/20/2017 at 00:17

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It’s not a question, but I like your shoes.

I have four pairs of those Nike Roshes right now.

They’re damn good shoes.

AestheticsInMotion > BlueMazda2 - Blesses the rains down in Africa, Purveyor of BMW Individual Arctic Metallic, Merci Twingo 07/20/2017 at 00:27

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Converse were my go-to work shoes in warm weather, but they’re awful in rain. These have been just as good grip wise, but dry so much faster. And they’re comfy. And they look good. Win win win win.

BeaterGT > AestheticsInMotion 07/20/2017 at 00:42

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Good on you for taking care of her, even while under the weather. Screw that house though, that’s bullshit.

Funktheduck > AestheticsInMotion 07/20/2017 at 07:52

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I could never do what you do. Ladders and me don’t mix

Skamanda > AestheticsInMotion 07/20/2017 at 10:19

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Oh god...where the railing goes from square to round...ugh!

It’s like the whole house was decorated by flipping through a catalog and picking all the things they liked, without any thought to whether any of them go together ...

Did the homeowner do the decor, or did they get a discount for buying it already ruined?

CaptDale - is secretly British > AestheticsInMotion 07/20/2017 at 12:34

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I bet this house would look pretty damn good if they had left the outside in 40's A frame style just bigger or more add on and just a nice simple interior.

davesaddiction @ opposite-lock.com > AestheticsInMotion 07/20/2017 at 15:34

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I really like your posts in this vein, but do you ever worry that they’ll be seen by someone who knows the house and make it back to the owner? Some wouldn’t care, but some definitely would, and just one pissed off, vocal customer is enough to put a damper on your business. Just something to consider.

AestheticsInMotion > davesaddiction @ opposite-lock.com 07/20/2017 at 19:37

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Oh totally, I’m well aware that it’s not the smartest business move, but honestly... I don’t really care that much. I’ll be selling the business in October to try something new, and at this point I’d like nothing more than to have LESS work.

These house posts have been keeping me sane for the last few months while I tie up loose ends. One client is a lurker here and called me out on using his home, only to say I should have put his face front and center as the cover photo haha

davesaddiction @ opposite-lock.com > AestheticsInMotion 07/20/2017 at 21:04

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Haha! Well, congrats and GLWS. Know what’s next?

AestheticsInMotion > davesaddiction @ opposite-lock.com 07/20/2017 at 23:04

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For various reasons my first choice is firefighting locally. But it’s incredibly competitive around here, so if that doesn’t work out... Who knows.

Maybe back to school. Possibly look into bartending/working at a “hip”restaurant downtown. I miss working nights. Four years later and I’ve still never acclimated to working early in the morning

davesaddiction @ opposite-lock.com > AestheticsInMotion 07/21/2017 at 08:57

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A lot of people around here go the EMS to fireman route - seems to give a leg up (makes sense).

Mornings are a struggle for me, too, but I just commit myself to doing what I need to to be asleep by 11:00. I’ve been able to get to work around 7:30 for more than a decade, so I guess I’m conditioned.

Best of luck on finding the new path.